Well, I happened upon an Irene Dunne movie this morning on Turner Classic Movies and soon found myself hooked into watching it. Let me just say, they make a big deal about how young and beautiful many celebs look while getting into their 40's but, Irene Dunne was in her late 30's and 40's in her best-known movies and could pass, as she did in this move, for someone in their 20's. Who could resist Irene Dunne falling for a handsome Lord in England back in about 1915 or so.
I admit, it was partly the architecture of his country manor home that kept my interest. A cheap way to travel to the English countryside and back in time. Love history so always love to take in the details of the scenery in old movies. The Manor home had a room with a beautiful wall of tall windows that rose up probably 30 feet with pretty little arches above each tall window. Gorgeous.
What also caught my interest, as it always does, was that unshakable conviction they each had that they were meant to be together. She resisted falling for him but really wanted to be with him and he just knew she was the one even though he had never fallen for anyone before. I love that idea that there is someone who was meant for each of us. Come good or bad, someone meant to share it with you (or in less evolved relationships, cause it for you, ha, ha). Yah, I have been there too, and know it is not funny, but, I embrace all the myriad experiences I have had. Think about it. At the end of your life or just after, would you want to look back on it and see you had lots and lots of rich and different life experiences to help you learn all kinds of things and know all kinds of people or would you want a simple, safe life with little variety in experiences. Sounds too forgetable and I don't want a forgetable life.
This movie did a convincing job of showing this super strong, true love, but of course he died young as did their son and his ancestors who always joined the army and got killed. That was the story. Again, I wonder about any love, real or fiction that starts out really intense. Can it be maintained over the years? Or, like so many do, will the relationship become more like roommates, old friends, brother and sister, or just house-mates? I know many marriages last many years, I also know many of them are nothing I would wish on anyone! I also know some really are always great because the couple have some kind of very mature respect and appreciation for each other. They really like each other. How many people can maintain any kind of relationship with anyone where they manage to really like each other over many years??
Well, maybe it is a little like the way I feel about one of my good friends in North Carolina. She is smart enough to cultivate friendships and I was lucky enough to become friends with her. I am the worst friend ever though because I am so self-absorbed! I have a hard time finding time for friends and I admit, ever since childhood, I found friends are people who turn on you for no reason but to entertain themselves, or who are as demanding of your time and loyalty as a lover. I do not like demanding people and find it hard enough to just maintain daily without having to answer to the expectations of demanding people. My girlfriend is not at all demanding. And, through differences and through moves that take her farther and farther away across the country, still puts up with me and with not hearing from me for months. She is always there for me when I need someone to talk to. We have our differences but, we seem to be able to ignore that and have fun anyway. We can still laugh. That, I guess, is what a good marriage might be like. I have never known because I have always run away from relationships as soon as I had the feeling the person was not really what I envisioned as my life partner. I think you have to throw out those ideals you have about what your perfect partner would be like and just let your heart lead you. Even in the movies they show over and over again how what you think you want is seldom what is right for you. Like the recent movie, Valentine's Day, Ashton Kutcher thought he wanted to marry his live-in girlfriend but that forced everyone to realize they really weren't right for each other and the one he really loved was his best friend who had been there all along.
Unfortunately, I live in my imagination too much and I can imagine much more when alone than when "confined" by a relationship. (This, I know, is my own limiting thinking and I should be able to be all that I can be, anywhere, but, I guess I have always felt the most freedom when alone). Again, probably not necessarily a good thing to have the freedom to imagine all kinds of stupid things, probably none of which are based in reality! I am emotionally detached enough (Libra, and lots of Virgo and Aquarius) to not know how deep my feelings really are usually, and I am often surprised after a separation by the realization that I was more attached than I realized. Yet I, being a Libra, have always longed for someone to do all the things I love with me. Like, holding hands, walking in the country, exploring nature, enjoying the lake, traveling, etc. Someone who loves the person I am. I always thought that meant someone who liked all the same things I like. But, I have found that someone who likes all the same things I like often feels more platonic, like my twin. Then again, I believe in reincarnation or something like that and I have felt a very strong "soul" connection to some people and sometimes that feels platonic or familial while still causing a strong, comforting pull to me to want to be near them. It is easy to confuse that strong, comforting attraction for a sexual or romantic attraction rather than a friendship or family type of connection. I think you have to really turn inward to your wise inner self and examine how you really see that possible relationship. If people would do that more, I think they would realize many relationships were meant to be platonic not romantic. Then again, maybe certain life lessons had to be learned in the structure of a romantic relationship. And, at the extreme end of my cynicism, maybe "romantic" relationships are always based on illusion and projected desires anyway! So, I am skeptical of these movie loves that are so all-consuming. But, I suspect that during harder times, people had to sort out what was important and zero in on the relationships that were really true and real. So, maybe relationships were that intense. In our privileged society today, I think we "dally" in this and that too much and don't act with that sense of impending doom that would make our choices more intense and real. No wasting years with the first charming guy we meet, but an automatic, shrewd evaluating of each possible relationship so as to be more aware of what is really important to us.
Bottom line, though, I believe the one that you choose has to make your heart zing! And, you have to respect and admire them. But, what do I know?! I have never mastered the long-term relationship and seem to attract other dysfunctional types like myself. So, I think a lot but still KNOW nothing!! That is life and in my opinion, the way life should be. REMEMBER to stay open in life to the possibility that you don't know anything! That way you can be open to new joys, new wisdom and to the inner growth that comes with seeing that you only thought you knew something before you realized that everything you thought you knew was all wrong and you actually know nothing!!
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